he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
