Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
