Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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