Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
