Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize