I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize