his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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