well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize