did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
