I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
