is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
