Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
