So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
