Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
