Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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