drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
