You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
