weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
