I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize