he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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