I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
