I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
