im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
