Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
