No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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