If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
