apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
