god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
