all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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