K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
