if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
