Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
