Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
