put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
