there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
