just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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