I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
