Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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