He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
