I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
