Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
