i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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