: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
