Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
