Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize