i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
