i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
