I'm jealous of your bromance
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
