so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
