i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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