I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
