But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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