just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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