So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
