If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
