you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
