The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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