I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
