absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
