Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
