Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
