oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
