I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize