somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
