I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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